Saturday, July 14, 2012

What are option dialogues and why are they awesome? (and a plug for Rekha Neilson)

An option process dialogue is a session with a mentor that asks you non-directive questions, always starting with the question: What do you want to explore?
I've been involved with counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists and each of them have their place and have helped me in different ways, but the thing I've felt was the most powerful has been option process dialogues. I think this is because it relies on you supplying your own answers and relying on your own wisdom and trusting yourself. It is empowering and leads to in(ter)dependence rather than continued need to see the practitioner. The other reason it is powerful because it facilitates self-reflection on beliefs and the things we tell ourselves in a very fast and direct way. I've seen again and again how a simple belief that I empower that seems to be a useful/good belief can become something that helps me create negative and unhappy experiences for myself.
Here's an example: Don't waste (natural) resources. That seems pretty good right? Most people can agree with that. Well when I empower that belief in every detail of my life and then judge any waste as a bad thing and then choose to feel bad about it, or panic and try to stop waste from happening in my office, house, family etc. and get upset when it does happen then I think one can easily start to see how this belief combined with other beliefs (such as wanting to do things perfectly) can become a huge source of unhappiness or anxiety. You see your kids pouring out juice or some other liquid that costs money, or will ruin the thing it's being poured on and you run to stop them, get angry at them, perhaps frighten or intimidate them with your response. I think it's obvious how this can work.
I've worked with 3-4 different people as option process mentors. They all have been pretty good, but I've often been very disappointed in terms of how much they charge per session. It's often VERY expensive. When you hold beliefs like I do about not wasting resources (though I'm empowering that in different ways now so I can create more happiness for myself) then you don't like spending big amounts of money... assuming you even have that much. I'm talking $150-$500/hour. The best mentor I've worked with has been Rekha Neilson. There were two reasons we started working with Rekha:
  1. Rekha is located in the UK, closer to us in ever respect than any other mentor.
  2. Rekha has excellent rates (25 Pounds first session and 40 Pounds per session thereafter if you buy in increments of 10).
The reason I'll continue to work with Rekha for a while is that she's awesome. I get SO much out of each of my dialogues with her. She is totally present with me (as much as such is possible via Skype) and non-judgmental, and asks such great questions. I'm constantly amazed how the questions totally unearth the kinds of logic and beliefs that I use to make myself unhappy, or angry, or fearful. I've left every session choosing to be energized and having learned more about myself.