Why share all this personal stuff? Personal leadership

I've been thinking about this a lot in the last few months and especially in the last few weeks where I've started sharing more online about what I'm doing in my personal and spiritual life.  Why have I been sharing more?

I'm talking about some very personal things, sharing my personal spiritual experiences some of my hardest struggles.  I've also been very much aware that I have a large group of friends on facebook that I really love seeing at conferences and various other professional things that don't always share my faith or values.  Generally these are people who I respect very much though, and again in general these are people with a good sense of values and who they are and what they want to see in the world.  Despite all of this I've been somewhat hesitant to share some of this stuff because I'm afraid of being judged.  You know what though? Why should I hide any one part of me because of what someone else will think?  Being authentic is about being totally comfortable with me no matter who is around, and so in the interest in being in the world the what I want to see in the world I'm putting it all out there.

You have to be in the world what you want to see in the world.  What I want is more authenticity, more of people feeling confident enough that they can be who they really are all the time.

This idea of personal leadership, not just following what other people do, or what other people want, but rather to say, "This is what I believe and this is the position I'm going to take." is a powerful thing.  As part of my research I talked with someone who said that is what we needed more of in the organization I was studying.  I agreed with him, and have been talking about it since then.  I have a lot more to say about this in the corporate setting, and I'll do that on my other blog, but for my personal life I think there are several implications.

Have you ever said to yourself, "I'm having a really hard time with this thing in my life. I feel alone because it seems that no one else is really going through this.  Other people must be but no one is talking about it."  I've thought that many times.  It is one of my criticisms of western Christianity in general, and the American flavors particularly, and it's even more pronounced in many parts of the most strictly religious churches.  I am not criticizing the idea that there are commandments to be followed, no not at all.  What I'm talking about is the fact that we are all imperfect.  To put it more bluntly, we're all sinners, so why don't we talk about those things that are most difficult for us to deal with in our lives?

I don't watch a lot of TV in general, but I remember seeing a couple scenes about a politician or other known public figure who is known for "family values" and being religious and it turns out they visit a prostitute or had an affair, or other kinds of things.  One of the characters made a comment that it's always those kinds of people who get themselves into these kinds of sticky situations.  Part of the problem is similar to what I wrote about yesterday.  These people, just like I did think that they have to beat themselves up  or that if they mess up in terms of sexuality then they are ruined.  In truth though if, when they are in the early stages of problems start talking to people about it, privately or publicly, then things could be changed around.  So if there were someone out there who has started to feel like they need to view pornography on a daily basis, that they have a hard time getting through a work task without wanting to click over and view something pornographic, or lets say that someone has escalated this and is now turning to coarser material, or let's say even that this person has started going places where one can meet other people for sex, not to actually have sex but just to see what happens.  Of course the next step is extra-marital sex, and it can escalate again and again if you let it.  What if, though, that if a person were to get to that first stage where they're starting to realize that pornography was a problem.  What if they felt comfortable enough to talk to a buddy about it over lunch and their friend had dealt with similar problems and all of a sudden it's not this huge deal.  What if that person could talk to their spouse about it?  What if a woman could talk to her girlfriend about it while their kids played together on the playground?  What if people were talking about it, not in hushed tones of shame and hiding, but rather saying, that hey I'm dealing with this in my life and it's something I'm concerned about.  Now I know that there is a segment of the population that says, "It's ok to use pornography etc, so they shouldn't be ashamed anyway."  I refer you to my previous article on this.

What I'm saying here is that we should treat it lightly, no I'm not saying that.  What I'm saying is that what if there weren't this big huge stigma attached to it?  Pornography is everywhere.  Everyone in the modern context has been exposed.  Some people start using it, and many of them want to stop, but they don't know how, and part of the reason they don't know how is because hardly anyone is talking about it.  Having to figure something out by yourself, with not a lot of help isn't easy.  I'm not saying it's not possible, people do it, but you don't have to do it alone.  You can find help and support.

So I'm out here saying let's be the kind of people that are open about what is happening with them, at least with your friends.  If you had a friend or group of friends that you could bring anything to them, and not feel like they would judge you or blab about things you aren't ready have blabbed around, then perhaps this world would be a better place. So what I'm saying is BE that friend, be open, and help others.

I'm thankful for my friends from MKP who have done that for me.  I'm thankful for Bishops, and counselors, and addiction recovery groups.  I'm thankful for my wife.  I'm thankful for the option process that teaches this kind of attitude and empowers people to find their own answers.

I'm putting it out there because if someone else is struggling I want them to know that I've been there, and it's possible to make it through.  With God's help all things are possible.  Other people have made it and we've learned something along the way.  Ask for help and you'll find it.

I want to have a world where people can have true and loving friends, that will not judge, that will support and help.  In order to create that world I'm starting with me.  I want people to be able to be open about things that are seemingly hard to talk about.  I invite you to come along with me, and create this in your own life.  There are 6.x billion people in the world, made up of smaller groups, but every group no matter how large, is made up of people.  Ultimately we only have control over one thing, our attitudes and our actions.  So I'm changing mine.  Come along.