Reflections on Cancer

Just in case you missed it, here's the shorter versions and the long version of my cancer story.

Reflections on the Cancer....

or why "bad" things happen to "good" people

Cancer can be seen as a really bad thing. I'm not saying it's an easy thing, or that everyone has the kinds of outcomes I had. Clearly though challenging things like cancer can present opportunities to us and to those people around us. So many people rendered service to us, supported us, prayed for us. You all did amazing things for us, thank you, thank you , thank you.  You blessed our lives, and I'm certain you were blessed for your service. It is in facing situations like this that we learn what this life is really all about. How will we respond? Will we reach out and help others? Will we allow others to help us? Will we curl up in a little ball of bitterness and rage against God/the universe/everyone else that seems healthy and happy?

So when hurricanes happen, people die, houses are destroyed, but people can also reach out and help, neighbors get to know and support and even come to love each other. When a tsunami happens the environment may be polluted, people may die, businesses my disappear, but also people serve and love each other, they pull together, they serve selflessly, and we realize that for all of our strong foundations and engineering, all that we make and build with our hands can come to naught because nature is mightier than we are, and always will be.

Just to be clear, I don't always choose the happy place. I don't always choose to serve others and ask for help, sometimes I curl up and want the world to leave me alone. I am glad though for the opportunities I've had to serve others and be served. The more service we put into our lives of both types, the more we see what is important in this life.  To be loving, to help others, to be humble enough to be helped, it is through these kinds of activities that I can take the focus off of me, my suffering, my (often small and petty) problems and focus on making the world better for everyone.

Betrayal by..... yourself?

After being officially diagnosed as a diabetic (which is really part of the story as you may recall) I really didn't like having to take medication each day. I was lucky that I wasn't at the point where I had to take insulin, but I didn't like the idea of taking medication, essentially being dependent on something else, a chemical. I felt betrayed by my body, which I saw as somewhat separate from me. Conceptualizing yourself as your mind/spirit and your body as something else introduces all kinds of curious twists and turns in your thinking. This was a bit of betrayal for me to be diabetic. I've struggled with depression and been on antidepressants. They helped, and in way that was a relief, but again I felt it as a kind of betrayal.  For me cancer though didn't seem like a betrayal and I'm not sure why. It happened rather quickly and there isn't this component of ongoing need to take medication. I received the reassurance that everything would be ok. I still celebrate the milestones as a fulfillment of those reassurances from God.

I'm starting to think though that perhaps conceptualizing myself as my mind/spirit is not really helpful. It just leads to not liking your body, or betrayal. I think I could go on about this topic and how it relates to other parts of my life, but I think I'll save that for a future post.