I have ADHD, primarily Inatentive type. I.e. I'm not hyperactive, but I think that anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not hyperactive, instead I tend towards being low energy in general.
My son has ADHD, others in my family do. A large part of it is heritable. If a family member of yours has been diagnosed and you want to support them, or you perhaps even suspect it yourself, read (or listen to as I did) this book: Delivered From Distraction by Dr. Hallowell. The approach in the book is relentlessly positive, because there are certainly upsides to have ADD (the official name is now ADHD, but ADD is somewhat better. In the book they make the point that everyone else may as well have Attention Surplus Syndrome and that psychiatry and western medicine is really into pathologizing everything because that's what it's good at). It's like having a racing car brain, but sometimes we need to get better brakes and learn how to use them.
This book opened up my eyes and I went and had a full psychiatric evaluation. The whole works. Let me say all those tests they have you take and the history... wow, it take a lot of time. In the end though the history is the key part and that part is good in a way because it helps you consider your life systematically and thoroughly more than one would otherwise.
So living with diagnosed ADD (as opposed to undiagnosed ADD) is good, as it reveals lots of key insights. I've dealt with depression in my life as well as feelings of addiction with pornography and anxiety (particularly social anxiety, and every time I tell people that they are surprised because "I seem so social and good at networking" no really people, unless I know people at a gathering I'm almost always uncomfortable, sometimes painfully so and I just have to get out). It's easy to see a more clearly though how ADD is the primary issue and the others are secondary, caused by going undiagnosed for so long and the negative feedback I keep on getting from others and myself.
I had to have some conversations with those I work with about what I've been going through. I felt embarrassed about it. All my advisers have been supportive, some extremely so. My manager at work has been understanding and helpful. I found it difficult to do, but it got to the point that the pain of not talking about it was worse. In fact when I read this article about a baseball player who was suspended because he tested positive for amphetamines (i.e. adderall a legal prescription drug, but he failed to properly notify he team and have his Dr. sign the proper forms). He was suspended. He didn't want to talk about it because he thought it would be hard, he didn't know how to do it.
For years we've been telling people with different kinds of so-called mental illnesses that they are bad people, that they must be lazy, or not willing to work or just stupid. They could never be much in this world. Some of us buy into that and keep on repeating it to ourselves (I know I have). So often early intervention can help with many things. People (like me before) don't want to take medication because there this vague notion that if you have to take a medication for a mental illness it means you're a bad person, or weak, or should just be more organized, shape up, be a (wo)man, do your work, and pay attention. Yet statistics and many scientific studies show that for ADD medication will significantly improve the lives of about 80% of people. Of course medication is only one part of a good program, one cannot ignore the rest, but if it works why not do it. In addition some things don't have medications that work well, like Autism, though there are other approaches that can do amazing things.
So this post is not poetic, or very funny, or have a lot of good stories and examples in it, but it's how I'm feeling. Let's stop stigmatizing people because they have a disease, or are a certain way, or love a certain kind of person, or believe in a different god or gods, or don't believe in god, or used to believe in god and got fed up with "organized religion," or are more/less educated that you, or have what you think is a better/worse job.
In short, let's stop judging others.
One of my favorite quotes in the last several months is this one heard quoted over the pulpit from a bumper sticker:
Don't Judge Me Because I Sin Different Than You
Not that I'm implying that ADD is a sin, or any of those other things I said either, but it's easy to interpret them as sloth, greed, lust etc etc. So stop your judging (if indeed you were) and start loving and supporting people.
He who loves the most wins
OK enough truisms and seeming clichés.
Just a second.... how was I going to end this?
From some Zen/Buddhist ideas, and another cool written piece I saw recently, I think that less/no judging, and more compassion is the way to go. From this piece by a mom of a special needs (I think ADD/autistic) child to other such moms, this line jumped out at me and I love it: "You rock because you raise your so-called typical children to know that typical is an illusion and compassion is everything."
ReplyDeleteHere's a link to the whole thing:
http://adiaryofamom.wordpress.com/2012/06/05/dear-you/